What I ate: January 2nd 2016

Today is the second day of my weight loss journey and I have to say that so far I'm feeling pretty good. I felt like I ate frequently enough so I wasn't really feeling deprived or hungry during the day. I did manage to keep my calories and portion sizes in check....which I feel pretty good about. Here is what I had:

For breakfast this morning I had a serving of plain oatmeal with a cup coconut-almond milk topped with half banana and mixed berries and sprinkled with cinnamon. For my drink I had coffee with creamer and stevia sweetener. Breakfast Cal Intake: 300

For lunch or should I say brunch :) being that I don't really do lunch, I had two toasted English muffins with low sugar black cherry, raspberry, blood orange jam and coffee with creamer and stevia sweetener. Lunch/Brunch Cal Intake: 400

For dinner I had a toasted Ciabatta spicy scrambled egg, spinach, salsa  panini/sandwich with a thin slice of melted Brie cheese and a diet drink. Dinner Cal Intake: 380

I decided to try out a healthy recipe today and I ended up making healthy 100% natural whole grain oat apple blueberry low sugar bars. So that was my snack today. I had one of those bars with a cup of Honey Vanilla Chamomile Tea. Snack Cal Intake:215

Today's total calorie intake: 1295

And that was it for today,
Until tomorrow,
Laila

What I ate: January 1st 2016

So the holidays are behind us finally, and everyone is talking about their new year resolutions and about all different ways we would like to improve ourselves and our lives. So have I in fact :). I have just written about mine few moments ago in my previous post here on my blog. Though I love holidays and all the yummy food during holiday season, I feel like I have gained 10 pounds in just this past week LOL. My resolution number 8 was that I wanted to loose those last 20 pounds I had to loose.

" 8. Loosing 20 pounds- I have lost a lot of weight and for doing that I'm pretty proud of myself. However  during last year my life became a roller coaster on more than one ocassion and I kind of stayed in the same weight range even though my weight loss goal was to loose those 20 pounds all along. So this year I'm ready to do something about that. I feel it's time....starting today Jan 1st 2016! I have already developed a weight loss plan which I intend to follow for 2-3 months straight ....it's won't be easy but it's what I  truly want  and when you 
truly want something anything is possible :) ...I honestly believe that because I know it for a fact. " 

So like I wrote above I started  my weight loss journey today. I intend to post everything I eat daily  here on the blog. I will post usually in the evenings after I had all my meals and snacks for the day. The posts will include pictures of my meals and my approximate calorie intake for the day. I will focus on eating no more than 1300 daily. I will also record my weekly weight loss each Sunday.

So while I'm posting this to stay accountable before anything else, I'm also posting it so that those of you out there struggling with weight who would like to follow along on my progress during my weight loss journey are able to do that and hopefully get inspired to start a weight loss journey of your own along with me :).

So this won't be easy, but anything worthwhile never is.  I am fully aware of this and expect it to be harder at times, But speaking from experience  it's possible for sure. I have done it before. The key lies in willpower, discipline and keeping up with it and not giving up when times get tough. Remembering you are worth it and you can actually do this ....is crucial here.

So here we go, here is what I ate today:

For breakfast I had a croissant with a pat of butter and a teaspoon of low sugar cherry jam  and coffee with creamer and stevia sweetener. Breakfast cal intake: 425

I wasn't hungry during lunch time, instead I had  full fat milk hot cocoa with everyone else. I haven't had hot cocoa in years so this was a rare occasion for sure. Lunch cal intake: 375

For dinner I had a salmon burger with a teaspoon of salmon dip, some spinach,  1/2 a cup of cucumbers and a dab of  jalapeño ketchup. Dinner cal intake: 450

Before I went to bed while working on today's blog post I had a cup of coffee with creamer and stevia. Snack cal intake: 40 

Today's total calorie intake: 1290

Until tomorrow evening,
Laila

My New Year (2016) "Resolutions"

This  last year  (2015) has been a heck of a year for me. Full of learning of all sorts, sad difficult moments  and heartbreaks but also personal growth, happy moments and progress. I have been through a lot. I have learned a lot ....about myself and others around me. I am sure  that the learning never stops....and I am looking forward to it never stopping. However, I'm also hoping for not necessarily easier, less challenging year......but a happier new year for sure. Happy New 2016 Everyone! I sincerely wish that the new year brings  all of you everything you have hoped for. 

I'm not the type of person who likes to set the rules in stone as far as the  New Year's resolutions are concerned because we all change and evolve as the year goes on and our priorities, needs as wishes change and evolve with us as well. Therefore you might start with a certain plan and end up having a completely different one few months down the road.... but I do have  a few things that I would like to improve on as we all do so here are my "2016 New Year Resolutions".

1. Finding more inner peace- I think being at peace with yourself and your surroundings is of huge importance. Sometimes it's hard to be at peace when everything in your life gets out of balance but I find it's hugely important to understand that no matter what happens in your life  ultimately  everything will be okay. I for one as I mentioned above, have had quite a difficult and  mentally and  emotionally draining year ....so making sure to stay positive this year is very important to me.

2. Being more thankful- remembering to be thankful humbles you in more ways than you would ever expect. It makes you realize how truly lucky you are and that there are so many out there who would give anything to be in your place. Being thankful changes how you see yourself and your own life during those moments when you feel you have nothing good going for you. 

3. Living MY life- not the life everyone is expecting me to live. Living the life that genuinely makes ME happy without  giving  much thought wether others would approve. Im not the people pleaser and have never been one to begin with though there where many times I did do things to make others happy without taking myself into consideration, but the older I get the more I understand why this is so important. You only have this  one life, which goes by in a blink of an eye it seems. No matter how much or what you do to please others there is always going to be that one person who thinks  you should have said or done something different.....so let it go and live YOUR life without apologizing for it. 

4. Writing more- writing makes me happy,  Even though I always loved to read since I learned how to practically, I never imagined I would feel so fulfilled by writing nor that I could write so much few years back. I never thought it was "my thing" :). I feel like I can express my feelings, inspirations, ideas and thoughts on paper quite easily. Writing is  very  powerful and definitely something I'm looking forwards to doing much more of this year. 

5. Bringing more of my inspirations to life- I feel like during 2015 there where many moments where I was so inspired but couldn't express my creativity with my work as much or the way I really wanted to due to whatever else was going on in my life that was dragging me away from that. This year I plan to focus much more on it though.

6. Getting away from negativity- we all have people who drag us down and suck the energy out of our life. People who are very negative and try to project their negativity into our lives. Sometimes these types of people are hard to get away from because many times we care for them. But if you tried to improve you relations with them on many different occasions and nothing changed on their part/side it's time to cut the cord and take your life back. 

7. Deciding what truly matters-  for me  at this particular time in my life and going after that. Don't let anyone sidetrack you from your happiness, goals and dreams ....it's easy to say but sometimes very hard to do. This year, I want to be more stronger willed when it comes to this particular  area in my life.

8. Loosing 20 pounds- I have lost a lot of weight and for doing that I'm pretty proud of myself. However  during last year my life became a roller coaster on more than one ocassion and I kind of stayed in the same weight range even though my weight loss goal was to loose those 20 pounds all along. So this year I'm ready to do something about that. I feel it's time....starting today Jan 1st 2016! I have already developed a weight loss plan which I intend to follow for 2 months straight ....it's won't be easy but it's what I  truly want  and when you truly want something anything is possible :) ...I honestly believe that because I know it for a fact. 

9. Traveling more- some years I'm all over the globe and some I'm pretty much in one place for a long period of time. Last year was one of those years where I kind lived more of a sedentary life than I would have liked,  but this year my aim is to change that :). 

10. Having the best relationship  I possibly can with myself- this is so important. It has nothing to do with being selfish but with understanding that you are important ....

11. Enjoying the moment I'm in RIGHT NOW- I think many of us are caught up making a living and often we forget to actually live our life and enjoy living in the moment. Being more spontaneous and appreciate every moment while I'm living it is something I need to work on more this year as well.

12. Being more productive- I think we all have periods we wish we where more productive in. I think it has a lot to do with setting up a proper routine for a lifestyle one aspires to have ....I am no exception here. My daily routine could use some fine tuning and when better to work on that than the right at the beginning of the. year. 

13. Getting back to working out- months back I went to the gym 5 days a week with the weekend off ....I wanted to loose some more weight and felt that an hour at the gym, intense exercise, and low calorie intake was too much for my body to take so I stopped going .....just until I lose those 20 pounds I thought. But a lot has happened last year and somehow I unfortunately accomplished  neither. This year from today until the beginning of March my focus will be working on my 20 pound weight loss. Light gym routine will be a part of that journey. 

14. Crossing over some of the things on my bucket list- last year. I went for a mini cruise, a  hot air balloon ride and visited Canada for the first time. This year I'm hoping to do more of the things I have been wanting to do for a while instead of putting my bucket list.  on my fridge and saying "someday". 

15. Give more back- I take great pleasure in helping those less fortunate than me. I think more people should help out  the needy as well if and when they can by volunteering and donating. I think the satisfaction you get by understanding you made someone's life better in some way surpasses any satisfaction you can get from buying or getting anything material. 

16. Spending more time with those I care about- it goes without saying :). Sometimes I get so caught up in everything else that I forget that time is passing, my son is getting bigger day by day and I am getting older......spending time creating beautiful memories with not only your children but with all of those you care about is important. Letting them know you love and care about them is important. 

So there you go. Those are some of the things I feel I need to work on or improve on this year. What about you? 

Take care,

Laila 

Christmas OOTD : Blue Animal Print

As far as fashion colors go I seem to be sort of traditional when it comes to holidays like Christmas.  I seem to always choose either a red, black or white outfit. Usually the first two colors with more frequency. I don't know what it is about Christmas that makes me pick such traditional colors when usually I am the one to push the envelope. However, this year I decided to change that around and chose a beautiful blue dress instead :). 

I have been seeing animal print yet again all over the place this year. It's no surprise for me that a animal print is here to stay. It's an autumn essential practically. The last few years however, the designers have been coming out with animal printed fabrics in completely different colors than those that are naturally found and acceptable in nature when it comes to different animal prints. Now you can find them in red, turquoise, blue, green and many other colors.

Of course, if you know me  at least a bit, you already probably guessed that I do love me some animal 

print :))).  I always had a soft spot in my heat for it ....no matter how old I was. I seem to prefer those prints that are closest to natural ones though, as oppose to the one mixed with various different things on the fabric. I believe a good animal print done right can and does look very classy and sophisticated. However, when done wrong can look very cheap.  It's one of those things you have to be mindful with when putting an outfit together. 

 For this occasion, I picked MICHAEL Michael Kors Long-Sleeve Animal-Print Dress that I fell in love with from the first time I saw it. This dress comes in few different colors which I got all but I purposely chose it in the color dark azurite which is beautifully rich blue to wear on Christmas Eve. 

Long-sleeve style makes MICHAEL Michael Kors' sheath dress an ideal style for cool days and haute 

evenings!

Boat neckline

Pullover styling

Long sleeves

Allover animal print; contrast print at hem

Sheath silhouette

Unlined

Hits above knee

Polyester/elastane

Machine washable

The dress is very comfortable, stretchy, sophisticated and is very flattering on my body. I loved the stretchy fabric because it was comfortable and flattering without emphasizing any lumps or bumps. It just hung well instead of clinging anywhere I didn't want it to. Because of the fabric choice for this dress I can see myself wearing it any time of the year really on different ocassions. 

All these pieces paired together kept me warm, sophisticated and looking different which is exactly what I wanted. 

For jewelry I decided to keep it simple. The dress and it's  beautiful color and print where the star of the show ....or that statement piece I was focusing on. I chose to wear my hoop diamond earrings in yellow gold ....and my rings I wear on daily basis without adding anything else. 

Because it is cold out and my dress was on the shorter side I paired it with a fur coat for much needed warmth. As far as my handbag went, I kept my Michael Kors Studded Selma ....the handbag I have been loving all fall/autumn long. 

For my eyeshadow makeup I chose a soft purple matte  cut crease with a touch of cobalt smoke. I paired that with a cobalt eye pencil and mascara and black liquid liner. For my lips I chose a neutral  warm nude lip with soft peachy blush to balance out  a bit the cool toned eye makeup. And that was pretty much it :) 

May this Christmas season bring you closer to all those that your treasure in your heart. Wishing all my lovely friends that celebrate it very blessed, happy and peaceful holidays.

Laila 

CHANEL COCO MADEMOISELLE Eau de Parfum - REVIEW

It was about 8 years ago that I tried for the first time ever the Chanel's COCO MADEMOISELLE. It was gifted to me by one of my family's close friends on a very special day in my life. I was still very young (about 23) and haven't yet developed a "nose" for a good perfume. However, I do remember loving it's youthful, free spirited elegance. Just few days ago I got it as a gift once again :), and upon opening the bottle and inhaling the scent.......I was flooded by memories. For me this fragrance is truly sentimental in more ways that one. So when I got it as a gift this year again.....I  simply had to write about it. 

Inspired by the irrepressible spirit of the young Coco Chanel, the modern Oriental fragrance entices with an utterly feminine composition, expressing refined sensuality and incredible freshness. Coco Mademoiselle is a feminine perfume by Chanel. The scent was launched in 2001 and the fragrance 

was created by perfumer Jacques Polge. To me, Coco Mademoiselle is a younger free spirited playful sister of the original sophisticated and very classy Coco.

By this point you may have gathered that Coco Mademoiselle has nothing whatsoever to do with the original Coco, the reference serving exclusively as marketing leverage. The “Mademoiselle” part is on the other hand is entirely accurate: this is a very youthful fragrance. Something I strongly believe was needed and well received as far as the older more sophisticated fragrance lineup goes which I and I'm sure many out there already love. 

It’s sexy, elegant, classy and feminine but youthful and fresh at the same time. As many have said, it is patchouli all the way, with jasmine and musk. The  musk and the citrus together just sit so beautifully on the skin.I can't point out/separate every single note but I suppose that’s the thing about a good -quality perfume, that all the notes blend in together and you can’t quite put your finger on each of them. I feel it to be quite "creamy" but not powdery. It fills up a room but is not 

overpowering. I guess that what I’m trying to say is that the minute you walk in people are going to 

notice you but in a subtle way, it’s not a "in your face" kind of fragrance. 

I would be very comfortable wearing it on a daily basis and often do just that,  although this could be worn on special occasions/evenings.....it's pretty versatile. As far as the seasons this fragrance would work best for .....I would say you can go either way. I think the burst of that citrus freshness  would work great during warmer months while  the heavier notes of musk and rose also work well in cooler weather. When it comes to age this fragrance is aimed at I believe it leans towards younger consumer, so I would say  ladies in their 20-30s. Although, I noticed that even older ladies carry it nicely ....so again plenty of room to wiggle here as well. 

When I smell this perfume I envision a laughing, enthusiastic youthful, bubbly woman who is sweet and classy. She's assertive, but doesn't have to prove anything.  I envision someone who is full of joy 

and brightness. Someone who knows who she is and is quite content with it. Someone who is too 

busy living her life to the fullest to care about what others think. Someone who knows her worth. 

Coco Mademoiselle fragrance notes

* Top Notes : Orange, bergamot grapefruit  

* Heart Notes: Lychee, Rose, Italian Jasmine

* Base note : Indonesian patchouli, Haitian vetiver, Bourbon vanilla, white musk 

Having A Narcissistic Mother - Part 1

Narcissistic personality disorder. The word in itself makes me cringe because it describes to perfection what I have been put through and what I am still fighting to survive and let go of. Up until few years ago I was completely oblivious that the term that described my mother's behavior so well even existed. I always thought I was at fault and that I somehow for one reason or another caused my own internal suffering.  It wasn't until few years back (right around the time I began my weight loss journey), that I got intensely interested in  pshicology books and by mere accident discovered the Narcassistic behavior disorder term. 


In my blog I talk about all things that are beauty and fashion related. In all reality I suspect not many would expect me to talk about such a heavy, real and very personal topic. I think many would never admit they had such an issue.  I have to admit I was hesitant about talking about this so publicly and openly at first. But I have come too far to give up. And if this helps  someone even a little bit in their journey towards recovery and healing would make me truly happy and grateful. The more I learn and talk about the things like this .....the more strength I have to overcome my obstacles. For me, it's therapeutic in a way. 

Apart from what I do ......I am a human being with struggles like anyone else. I think for some it's easy to forget about that when all they see and know about me is what I post so it's very easy to assume that my life is perfect and without any hurdles.

I always thought  that beauty is more than  a set of brushes or a new lipstick, it's more than a perfect shot/selfie or an amazing outfit of the day, it's much more than anything materialist or branded and superficial. It's being compassionate towards others. It is being thankful when you are struggling to find what to be thankful for. Beauty for me is true acceptance of who you are as a human being. It is accepting you strengths  shortcomings, mistakes and weaknesses and those of others. It's about recognizing your own strength and using it to better yourself everyday. It's about finding something positive that keeps you moving when everything is falling apart. Beauty is being able to forgive what nobody else would. It's the ability to stand out and away from the crowd while being perfectly content in doing so and feeling proud of yourself and who you authentically are unapologetically. Beauty is being at peace with yourself no matter what goes on around you. Beauty is the ability to look at a person and truly see what's behind the smile, the words and actions ...... seeing what truly lies behind the outward looks. Beauty is seeing a person in his/her entirety ......not seeing only the parts you wish to see and accepting  all of them as they truly are .....not just the parts of them you  like. Beauty is accepting the complexity of human beings  (yourself included) and accepting it for what it truly is. Beauty is seeking and only accepting the authenticity in everything and everyone around you and never settling for watered down versions...... Because of all these reasons and many more I have not mentioned here I dare to get so real in my blog and discuss real life issues we all have. 


Few years back I was determined to loose weight and in order to do that I had to fight my own demons .....the ones that are inside my head that is. The ones that make me behave in the way I did, do the things I did repeatedly and think the way I did around food and how I deeply felt about myself. I was determined to figure out what exactly was the root cause of why I disliked myself so much.....what exactly was crippling me? Why couldn't I be happy? I wanted to know what was I doing wrong and how to fix it permanently this time around. I knew that in order to achieve weight loss  I had to first change on the inside which turned out to be much harder to do than any physical change I was ever going to experience on the outside. I didn't want to lie to myself anymore......I think at that point in time I was just ready. Mentally, emotionally and physically ready ....for a serious  life change. I refused to suffer any longer and just survive instead of live. 

All of a sudden I stopped caring about my own excuses ....instead I had to find out the truth. The truth about my crazy  dysfunctional family dynamics, the truth about how everything and everyone around me actually had an effect on who I was as a person.


The childhood is where  most of our foundations for the most part are formed and we are shaped into people we become later in life. As we grow and develop what we learn and experience becomes essentially a part of each and every one of us. Of course, later on as we go trough life we add to our experiences and develop as human beings. We become more mature and more open to different perspectives as we acquire more knowledge as oppose to the one we all started out with as children or 

young adults which was mostly influenced and shaped by our parents or people who where in charge of raising us. 

Of course if a child is raised in healthy family environment with a strong foundation and support from both parents and family it has high chances of becoming a very successful adult later in life. However, when the tables are turned and they come from a broken  and very dysfunctional family with no support from extended family members it becomes very hard for this individual to cope and they in most cases  grow up with a whole host of issues and struggles they have to address before they can even move on and focus on anything else. I'm not going to say there are no exceptions to both sides, I will note though that those aren't many. 


So as I was sitting there reading articles about how to overcome weight loss struggles mentally and make an infernal change.....at the same time I was also searching Amazon for  self help books I could read to help me understand myself better and inspire me along the way. On the side of my screen where the purchase suggestions usually appear was a book that caught my attention. It is called WILL I EVER BE GOOD ENOUGH? Healing The Daughters Of Narcissistic Mothers by  Karyl McBride Ph. D.. What initially drew my attention was the "will I ever be good enough?" part of the title because to be frank I was wondering the same thing majority of the time I was around my mother, ever since early childhood. I read the rest of the title and began wondering what exactly is a narcissist? As I opened the free preview and read the first few pages of the book all I could repeatedly say was "OMG!, omg, omg, omg, OMG! ........I think that was my epiphany moment. The moment I discovered what I lived as a child  and for most of my adult life was being described  on the screen right in front of me.  But it was just a preview and I needed to know more......I googled the words "narcissistic mother" and hundreds of articles and videos popped up. I was in literal shock. I couldn't believe what I was reading, hearing and seeing. I was both happy to know I was not  alone and completely insane because there where hundreds of people out there who where and still are battling the same things I was and still am. However, I was also sad because I almost wished I didn't discover it .....I didn't want to admit it, acknowledge it or face it......because now I had to, there was simply no way out. I was sad because I had to accept that my mother had to do with everything negative in my life including my weight issues. It's hard for a child to grasp and truly believe such a thing about their 

own mother because it simply goes against the grain. In our society we are always taught that mothers love their children. I think the first few days after discovering this I was not interested in anything else but reading and watching videos about narcissistic behavior disorder. I think it became somewhat of obsession of mine for a while there. I didn't want to accuse/think of anyone being narcissistic unless I was sure 100% beyond any reasonable doubt that was the case.  In all actuality, I was looking for a reason or something that would convince me otherwise. Unfortunately I was unsuccessful. The more I learned about the narcissistic disorder the more I was convinced that my mom possessed every trait of it. 

I was flooded by emotions the more I learnt about it. I felt guilty for one,  because I was thinking the worst of my own mother. I mean, how could I? What type of a person was I? I felt hurt because I finally understood what she has done to me over time. I felt empowered because I knew what I had to do to overcome it.  I felt happy because finally I was understood and there where people out there just like me. I was not alone. I felt pain because I knew the only way I was going to get better would be to completely cut contact with her. 




I intent to write more about my  personal experience dealing with my  mother's narcissistic disorder further in this blog for sure in the very near future. This is just the part one. For now, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I invite you to look the term up and  to be very honest with yourself about it. There are hundreds of re-sources out there to help you on your path of healing and recovery. The book I mentioned above ( WILL I EVER BE GOOD ENOUGH? Healing The Daughters Of Narcissistic Mothers by  Karyl McBride Ph. D.) is an excellent source to start with and I do highly recommend it. All you really have to do is .....take that first step. It might be the hardest and scariest step you ever took ......but rest assured it will be the best step you ever took towards a  happy life you deserve to have.

  

To be continued...... 

Check out the Part 2 by clicking on the link below: 

Having A Narcassistic Mother - Part 2  

Take care,

Laila 

Review - Prada Sunglasses, PRADA PR 27NSA

Prada Sunglasses, PRADA PR 27NSA

Color: TORTOISE BROWN/BROWN GRADIENT

I am one of those people who really stick to that saying "quality over quantity". I tend to stick  to this rule in almost everything in my life.....well  I did say ALMOST EVERYTHING, except the relationships.  I think I prefer a good combo of quality and quantity when it comes to one on one human relations and interactions. But let's not wander off the topic here :)), this is after all a sunglasses review not a relationship consultation haha! 

I was in the market for a pair of Prada sunglasses for a while now. It was one of those things I kept putting off since summer.....and here we are at the beginning of December!  :) I had few pairs in mind that I liked but I ended up settling for a beautiful round tortoise brown frame one with polarized brown gradient lenses. 

I love the swirl design on the sides and big round brown gradient lenses. I don't think I even need to talk about the Prada's  world known quality and craftsmanship. They are sturdy, classy and stylish, the lenses like mentioned before are polarized and easy to see through and I can see myself using them for years to come. 

I purchased mine online at Macy's, after trying them on  in store several times before along with all the different pairs I had in mind just to make sure I wanted that specific pair. They arrived beautifully packaged with a Prada case and a lint free cloth included. 

I must admit, in my sunglasses collection so far they are my favorite pair. I have been wearing them almost on daily bases. And not particularly because they are a new pair because I do own another Prada pair and I am not always keen in the same way towards everything that I purchase or is new   .....but because I simply love everything about them. They are comfortable on, comfortable to see through, look great on my already round face which is a surprise because the frame is  completely round, are good quality and are simply lovely to look at in themselves. 

 

Would I recommend them? YES, 100%!  Is this a budget friendly purchase? NO 100% not! They are not the most affordable pair of sunglasses you can get by any means ......but they are certainly worth saving up for. I enjoy them so much and am very happy I got them :).